|
Click here
to send your story to us for publication
So so many questions, each and every day. Then they get on the phone with me after school, I dont get to ask them to many questions anymore because they are getting older and dont like talking to their mom on the phone to much anymore. But i do get to tell them i love them, i miss them, im thinking about them. I ask them "gym, art, music, or library", everyday. They usually tell me after a few min of thought which one they had today. Then they say i love yu, and i quickly get in i love yu, dont talk to strangers. Their like, i know mom you told us yesterday. Im just a mom who worries like all other mommies. Im a normal mom like everyone else. When my children were very little i suffered depression, and after several years my husband divorced me. No im not a bad person, no i never got psychotic, i was just sad and layed around cried. I guess i can say that the divorce was good for me, because i was able to grow up and find out what a beautiful strong woman i am and have become from all of the past experiences. I have grown out of the depressive era in my life, and i have moved on and gotten my degree from college and now i am completing my second bachelors and i plan on getting my third bachelors soon. After that i plan on my masters and teach college. You see im just a regular mom like everyone else. Most people right away think that most woman that dont have their kids are either junkies, or in prison, or in a mental institution. That is not the case with me. Because i want to be involved with my children, im very responsible, im a wonderful, sweet, strong woman. With lots of goals in life. I bake cookies, and bring treat bag to parties at their school. But why is okay for a dad to be divorced and not have their kids but no one thinks bad about them? But as soon as someone hears that my kids dont live with me that I must do horrible things? Thats not fair. Not everyone is a monster. I just want all of you moms, single or married, the ones living with their children, to listen carefully. Never, ever take what yu have for granted. I was the type of woman when i was younger that planned everything. I planned my marriage and having children and my house. But sometimes you cant forsee what the future holds. One minute you have everything and the next minute you lose everything. So please mommies go and kiss your children and love them cherish all those days you get to live with them and be there for them. My son and daughter are very happy children living with their father, but sometimes they do tell me that they wished they had their mommy like other kids. I tell them that they do have their mommy she is right here. There are some kids out there that dont even have a mommy at all. I want
them to know that they are a blessing from God to me. That they are the
best and greatest two little things i have ever done in my life. And
even though my ex husband took away my marriage and my house, he can
never take away my children. I will always be their mommy. I hope some
day i can write a book about my experience. And i hope someday that i
can write a pad of forms that a caregiver can fill out for the mom about
her children. So that i can see what they have done each day. Live every
day to the fullest and just enjoy everything.
thank you for listening, april dunn
youngstown, ohio
Family and Consumer Studies, Senior
Youngstown State University
My name is Alycia and I am a single mother of two year. My son was born a month early on December 26th. My son's father denied being my child's father after I telling him that I did not get an abortion. He called ever now and then but it wasn't for good reasons. I was totally stressed worrying about how I was going to care for my child without his father and still trying to stay in school. I worked five days a week and went to school six days a week. It took a toll on my body and caused my have complications throughout my pregnancy and during the delivery of my son. Now that my son is here his father has been ordered to pay child support but he does not help with anything else. He lives Memphis, TN and has only seen his child twice out of my son's two years on this earth.
It is very hard. I am always tired. It
is frustrating sometimes but I would not change a thing about my life. I
love my little angel dearly and I thank God that I did not have that
abortion. I struggle with taking care of my son but God always makes a
way. Drained my name's christina and im 18yrs old. I am a single mother of a 7 month old baby boy. I think i'm to the point to where I can say I've struggled. not financially because of the help of my family but physically, mentally and emotionally. my babies father left me when I was 2 months pregnant. he told me he didn�t want anything to do with me or our baby. naturally I was crushed. but for the sake of my baby I kept myself busy and tried not think about him so there would be no stress on my baby. I had family and friends but still felt very alone. thoughts constantly ran through my head like how am I going to do this without him?, how am I going to explain to my son the reasons why he doesn�t have a father? during my 8th month of pregnancy my sons father called me and was telling me he wanted to be able to see my baby. I told him "no way... you should have been there from the beginning instead of running away like a little boy" he got mad and hung up on me. he wasn't there for my sons birth but found out about it from somebody and tried to call me and tell me to let him see his son. I still refused. he was telling me over the phone he was going to kill me and take my baby if I refused again. I kept my word and got a restraining order on him. he left me alone for about 6 months and started right back up again. till this day he continues. my body is exhausted. my heart hurts with guilt. I feel so bad for my son. its not his fault we cant get along. I am drained emotionally, mentally, and physically. be thankful I am a single mother of my 4 year old daughter Delanie. I work two jobs and often feel guilty about not being able to spend more time with her. I recently bought my own home eight months ago and every day is a different struggle. She is what gets me through each of them. I would rather have this hectic life than not have her. I used to cry at night because I felt bad for her having to grow up without a "normal" family. I finally realized its not abnormal to her, she loves her life because she is loved. She is so young that the simple things in life are all she cares about so i decided to quit my crying and be thankful for what we have. So many promises, so many heart aches am a single mother of 4 children. 11,10,8 an 2. I am only 29yrs old. When my first baby was born in 94 I really thought I found a place in this world. My parents were horrible but I went the different route. The school I had gone to would not allow pregnant girls in school so I ran to the nearest library and got started on my GED. I have raised my children on nothing but love, GOD, encouragement, sacrifices on my part. And here I am writing? I always thought to be a good single mother I always tried my hardest at everything. I graduated the year after I was to graduate with two children and divorced. Yes two! And Yes I was to graduate in May of 94 but Nov. of 95 is my graduation year. I was on the front page of the news paper with my daughter, which was my second born in my arms with my son at my leg. I felt so proud of my self for accomplishing that. No one gave me a pat on the back. But those smiling faces made up for it. I manage to fight off three husbands who were abusive and cheaters. To where I ended up in a old station wagon breastfeeding one while the other ate bologna that I stole from the grocery store. So many sacrifices, So many promises, so many heart aches. And yet every counselor I meet always ask "why haven't you just quit?" Well the words I LOVE YOU MOM is the only reason I'm still fighting. I know I have a long way to go still. But three boys and one girl deserve so much to have a father but here I am alone! Everyday I am fighting a battle with someone. Right now I am fighting to keep my third child who is 8 an no one to hear me cry or to support me but the Lord an my older two. I have a family! It might be without a father but I made what I have now, unfortunitely one father wants to tear that down like he did our hearts when he left. I never thought I would ever end up like this. Now Sept. will only tell how long I get
to keep my family I built with no Man beside me. An the last of my
fighting strength I shall not give up still!!! I feel children should
have everything to keep their love tanks filled even without a father!
Although it would be nice to at least have a male role modle around.
But then maybe I have raised or raising the new generation of fathers
and a generation of a woman who will not turn to any undesirable men
just to feel loved. Being beat hurts but when your children see the
after affects that kills an never does those lil faces ever look at me
wrong but only with love an loyalty, an guidance. My last husband is
in jail for almost killing me. I look at my 2yr old an wonder
why? why? He would have been a good father. But then I hear the
Lord say "No one can raise them like you can with the love you
have for them". So again I go on. My son may not have his father
nor my other three but they have me which the Lord kept alive to
be their mother and to finish guiding them an takeing care of
them........ Still believes in love It is now 36 years since I embarked on being a single mother, with all the hope I have read about in previous stories. I felt my love for my son would make up for the lack of money, the lack of time. I am still waiting for that to prove out. My son and I are somewhat estranged now. He is struggling through a life without a father. He didn't find out what that was like, to bond with a daddy and God knows I tried to find one for him. As in the animal kingdom, male animals do not want another males offspring. So my son was fatherless, grasping on a flimsy memory of a dead beat father who had a violent and criminal background. A father who didn't get to know my son, who really didn't want to know him. I wish I could have at least provided a better caliber" missing dad " for him. One day he went on the internet looking for
his "dad" and found out he was dead. "It is funny
how I had always hoped that one day he would come back and want to know
about me" my son said.
My son led an unusual life, he worked as a
bartender in San Francisco, used some drugs and drank al ot. He
was interested in many things,, Art, Music, Architecture,
Acting.......but so far he hasn't really focused on anything. I
have been a rather controlling person in his life, trying to fix every
mistake he has made and it isn't working. He asked me to let
him fall down and try to get back up on his own and I am doing that. It
is hard.
He is off drugs and alcohol. I am still
hopeful. I still believe in love. keeping my hopes alive I am a single mother my daughter was born
last year. but sadly was not even around to see the birth he doesn't even
know if she is a girl or boy or if she is alive, but I tried to keep my
head up until i got my self caught into a situation and abusive situation.
It started off with her dad who I thought we
were in love and wanted to marry me until i got pregnant which was our
idea in the first place then he suggested and abortion, so he left when i
was five months pregnant.
After that depression got the best of me and I
made a stupid decision. I place her in the hands of a angry man with lots
of issues and I regretted even since.
but thankful I am in college and I am keeping my
hopes alive. we are struggling never knowing when a meal will come along
or where we will live the next day but we make it some how some way. I
love her and i never allow her to end up like me. And i am so glad I cam upon this website I thought i was alone until i read all these testimonies from all ages thank you all.
Love a single mom in pain too. My heart was broken Hi I'm 24 and have a 3 and a half year old daughter Lauren, I met her father when I was 16 I first fell pregnant 6 months later but didn't keep the baby, I loved him more than anything but je treated me very badly I
was never allowed out If I had a day sick or holiday from work he's have
to be off as well. I lost all my friends and nearly my family he used to
push me about and get abusive towards me and I couldn't take it anymore we
stayed together for 4 years and I finally made him leave when our daughter
was 6 weeks old. He harassed me for months after wanting me back calling
me constantly we tried again when Lauren was 2 but he wasn't any different
so he left again. I now have counseling every week just because my heart was so broken we were so happy for the first year then he turned into an animal and took my life from me.
Emma
Oxfordshire single mum from Coventry in England I am a single mum from Coventry in England,
which is in the middle of England. On reading all these letters from
U.S.A., I am thinking how lucky I am to be in England!!! I have
three boys ages 6, 8 and 9. My middle son is Autistic and attends a
mainstream school. He has one to one support at this school, which
is no extra cost to me. MY LIFE WILL NEVER GET ANY BETTER Dependency Issues One thing I am struggling with and is deeply hurting my heart is that I am a single mother, so far dependent on my mother, and I need to find work soon to get my 13.5 month old daughter Meghan Jolie and I out on our own, so I am self sufficient. I have always struggled with dependency issues...dependency on my mother...dependency on ex boyfriends...well now here I am and I am not willing to be with any man just to have my "physical"/financial needs met (and then be expected to meet theirs-which seem to have different meanings! I'm talkin' roof over our heads, food on table, transportation...etc.), and I seem to keep winding up with men who want a family (round 2 or 3 or whatever...), or who want childcare for their daughter, or whatever... Anyway, I am dreading working because I am a very private kinda to myself woman to begin with, and I love living out in rural Oregon because of that. I also nurse my daughter on demand as she and I both need it (I look at it as a 2 way street...), and I could not bear to leave my baby alone with someone else. People say oh! Just leave her with a bottle of your milk...oh ok, that will solve it. Jeesh, they don't get it. It isn't just about milk! It doesn't feel right and so I am bound and determined to make it work somehow, someway. The bio father isn't in the picture...he isn't on the birth certificate...anyway, being a single parent so far isn't too much of a financial challenge. I am on food assistance and live with my mom and she carries the weight money-wise. But I really don't like that she supports us...so I guess this is a share and also a cry out for help cuz I don't know what kind of work to do being that I'm kind of a hermit type woman, who struggles with sensitivity to the way the world is now and social anxst...depression...probably because of how it is out there, and how I am. Hope I make sense. I have everything I have always dreamed of, my daughter...so now I just need to figure out how to provide for us and be satisified while doing it, WITH baby on hip! My baby is healthy, beautiful and oh so smart. She amazes me moment to moment. Any ideas, support, advice...feel free to email me at [email protected] Thank you. I am so thankful for like-minded mama's out there... -Lisbeth UPDATE from Lisbeth 5/4/05
I am a state registered child care provider and have child care and preschool in my home! i can do what i love to do which is be a mama to my baby girl and be with kids...she loves it too. i highly recommend doing in home childcare for moms who can't bear to be away from their little ones and who love kids and supporting families who work. i am so thrilled, i just traded in my '91 ford escort wagon today that my mom bought me in sept or so for a '95 isuzu trooper...its bigger and i feel more secure with my daughter riding inside that tha n that small little car we had...and she doesn't have to watch out so she doesn't hit her head anymore...its so spacious and high up...love it! beautiful shade of dark blue...love it! and...i did this on my own! i'm sure i'll hear criticism from my mom as she worries i am overboard but i needed to do this for ourselves. Our car payment is $200. a month starting in a month and that is decent to me for what i got...wow what a pretty suv! also i have rented a very cute 3 br/2 ba 15 yr old home since july and i love it, has an apple tree in back yard...we are moving out into a larger home 4 br/2 ba 5 yr old home on 3 acres on a very well traveled road between 2 major towns and it will be so good for us both professionally and personally cuz we can now separate our biz from our home as the other 3 bedrooms and bathroom are on the other half of the house...there are 2 big living room areas so we can really keep our 'home' separate now, where in this house we are still at until we move, our space is infringed upon by the daycare. sooo we are 'movin on up' and doing great, being self sufficient... i dont' need my mom nor any man to rely on
for money...i CAN do this, i AM doing this and i will continue to do this
for my baby and i. we co sleep and nurse still and we love it.
she is the love of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lisbeth
My Daughter Lila has a half brother 16
days younger than her, not from me. Me and my ex- boyfriend, my
daughters father moved to Alaska, crazy I know. Well in short no
family no friends makes life a little dull, by the way the -40
weather... I moved back home to find that I was 2 months pregnant, at
nineteen not fun. I made the best of all the things that happen to me
and my daughter, I would never had been able to finish or complete
myself, not to mentions repairing my life style. I can now say I am
feeling pretty good, even though I drive a old 88 licolon, I can't
just take Lila out to do things when ever because we don't have that
kind of money. One thing I do have is that I get to see my
daughter all the time and that is great in its own. M. Whetstone
Texas "When a woman falls in love with the magnificent possibilities within herself, the forces that would limit those possibilities hold less and less sway over her." |
||
|
Compleat Mother.com
|
