Tuesday March 11, 2003
We watched the Liam Neeson version of Les Miserables last weekend with our kids. As they were introduced to this most amazing story I was reminded of my first introduction to it in Mr. Kuick’s 9th grade class when I attended North Farmington HS in 1984. He shared this epic with all of us 14 year olds and it has stayed with me all these years. The desperation of Fantine, the love Jean Val Jean had for Cosette, and his absolute determination to make sure that she stayed safe as he fulfilled his promise to her dead mother.
I suppose it was the care and comfort he provided for Cosette that was so touching as I thought about life right now for so many women and babies. Isn’t it true that so many of the trials of life quickly follow after a family situation is broken up, or never really started in the first place? The hard working single parent who gets behind a little in life and never is able to catch up. It was the look in Fantines eye as her world slowly crumbled that was the most telling to me. I wondered if I would have held up as well as she if I were alone with a child to care for.
Living in Colorado, I have been watching many of the details of the recent case at the Air Force Academy. Dozens of women have come forward claiming they were raped and molested and no one cared, and some were even sent home for making these accusations. As I have watched the news these past few weeks my heart just breaks for these women. As a survivor of rape, I know that they can heal, but it will take some time.
Every time I break out in hives and feel panicked, I know that I am processing some emotion that was tied to this trauma, and as the anniversary date approaches this month – fourteen years ago on March 17th I was first physically raped by four orderlies in a mental hospital, and then mind raped by the judge, psychiatrists, and social workers who forced me to take a variety of drugs for my “mental problems”. Don’t get me wrong, I was crazy, flat out psychotic when the psychiatric profession got it’s hands on me, but I really question the “care” I received from these people. Left to rot in seclusion for three days after being raped, I was so alone and hurt. I missed my daughter and husband. My breast milk dried up on its own and the engorgement as well as my mental torture was so overwhelming, about all I did for those three days was pray.
The mind is a curious thing. I was able to tuck those traumas deep into the tissues of my body and was not able to access them for twelve years. Another trauma, the death of a beloved brother, stirred things up in my head and I have spent the past two years or so, slowly processing all of the layers of trauma, betrayal, hurt, physical pain, and emotional blunting that resulted from those circumstances. The alternative healing community understands that many symptoms of mental illness are directly related to a trauma, like a rape, but the psychiatrists have built a whole infrastructure based on lies about chemical imbalances and use expensive medications to chemically lobotomize patients and electroshock to electrically lobotomize patients. The areas of the brain most damaged by these procedures are the exact places where the old fashioned lobotomy literally cut away a portion of the brain and left the patient a vegetable. Sure it takes more time with the chemicals and the electricity, but the long-term effect is the same.
As I was healing from my fourteen months of being medicated against my will, I would feel these intense emotions and physical sensations as the chemicals slowly worked their way out of the cells of my brain. I am so grateful that I was able to make it to the other side of that trauma with my mind basically in tact. So many people suffer brain damage from the chemicals and electroshock that they never do recover their mental capabilities. What saddens me about all these young women coming forward to share their stories of rape and the secondary layering of trauma as they are betrayed by school and country is that many of them most likely turned to the psychiatrists for help with their emotional pain and are now using medications to deal with the rapes, rather than more effective therapies, which nurture the brain to wellness, rather than blunting the memories and stuffing the emotion with chemicals.
I have used herbs, homeopathics, massage, chiropractic, and essential oils to help in my healing. Books written by Bernard Jensen taught me the foods that would nurture my brain, and I spend a lot of time in my kitchen preparing these foods for myself. Exercise and great compassionate therapy from doctors who used non-drug approaches helped with overwhelming sensations I felt (and still feel) and most helpful of all was the loving compassion of my sweetheart. If all men were as good as my husband, we wouldn’t have these societal problems.
When I think that the former president of America was likely a rapist, and most definitely a traitor to his wife, his child and his country, I want to cry in shame for the legacy he thrust on a generation of young men. It doesn’t surprise me that we have a group of young Cadets at the Air Force Academy who believe they can rape, molest, and intimidate and will never be held accountable. Who has ever held the American president accountable for his felonies? Sure, some people tried…but they were shut up with the words “It’s the Economy stupid!” Well, after eight years of trickle down immorality…”sex, lies, and more lies”, we have corporations who believe they can lie their way to prosperity, and young men in uniform who believe girls are only good for one thing; free sex with no responsibility.
Where are the Jean Val Jeans of today? Those gentle souls who protect and defend the virtue of women and children? Who wipe away the tears instead of being the reason for them to fall? Who understand that a man who will betray wife and family will betray his country and fellow citizens. I hope if nuclear bombs do start to fall on North America some day, that everyone will remember the man who sold nuclear secrets for campaign contributions. I’ll say it again, A man who will betray wife and family will sell the safety and security of his countrymen to the highest bidder.
I think most people are feeling a little agitated about the terrorists these days. We are troubled by how much they hate us and how much they want to damage us, and our free society. But we also have terrorists among us, and as women and children cry in the night from the terror’s experienced at the hands of rapists, molesters, and the secondary rapes that occur from mind rape at the hands of psychiatrists and the pharmaceutical companies that back them up and make billions of dollars from our pain and suffering, let’s stay focused on the terror occurring right in our own neighborhoods and homes and do something to fix it.
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