Parenting Experiment

Intrigued by the claims in Babywise?  Being encouraged to take a Preparation for Parenting Course?  Given the books/tapes by someone who has "perfect" children?  Before you leap, take a few days to try an experiment to help you decide if this is the best way for you to parent your newborn.

Both mom & dad must do this:

Days 1 and 2:

Each time you put something in your mouth, write it down.  Note the time, what it was, and how much.  When you eat a meal, note how long it took you to eat. Don't forget to document every drink of water, piece of candy, donut, cup of coffee, snack and meal.  At the end of day two, add up the number of times you put something in your mouth.  Also add up how long it took you to consume a meal, a leisurely cup of coffee, a quick drink of water, and divide by the number of times you put something in your mouth to get an average. 

Now you have an idea of how much time you spend eating, how often you have something in your mouth, and how much food you consume.

Days 3, 4, 5:

This his part of the experiment is best done over a long weekend, as it requires three days.  This is not too much time to devote to understanding an experience your child will endure for several months.  You should be able to get to Sunday services, if you come late and leave early. 

1.  The experiment requires two parents; one to the be "caregiver" and one to be the "baby."  Pregnant women or persons with health problems should not be the "baby."  Ideally, both parents should try this experiment before pregnancy so they can decide if they really want to even HAVE a baby.

2.  The "baby" will be fed at six hour intervals only, three times a day.   All clocks, watches, or other timepieces must be removed from the "baby's" view so he has no way of knowing when the six hours has elapsed.  This is longer than is recommended in Babywise and Prep, but as an adult with adult metabolism, the "baby" should have the ability to wait six hours during the day and to fast overnight.   The "baby" may have one other drink of water before he goes to bed, but otherwise, no liquid is to be consumed outside of these three mealtimes.  Mealtimes are to be limited to 10 minutes.   Baby must try to eat and drink everything put in front of him because at the end of 10 minutes, the plate must be removed.  The "baby" must eat the food with the non- dominant hand using only a spoon. A newborn may have trouble with
latching on, early breastfeeding, and getting enough milk in timed feedings. NOTHING is to interfere with this schedule — not the baby's perceived wants, nor anything you believe you have to do.  The schedule must be adhered to at all times.

3.  The "caregiver" may not speak to the "baby" in any language that the "baby" is fluent in.  The caregiver can speak in an unknown tongue, or use sounds and touches to communicate.  No sign language.  The "baby" may not speak for the entire three days.  The only way the "baby" can communicate with the caregiver is by tapping a pencil.  The "baby" can attempt to signal the caregiver by varying the tapping, but is not allowed to write, point, or gesture.  Be careful not to break or drop the pencil as you only get one.  

4.  The "caregiver" should go about the usual daily activities in the house during the day.  Time will be needed to prepare the food, "walk" the baby from place to place, provide clothing (baby can dress himself — too hard with an adult) and can take the "baby" to the bathroom (once every three hours during the day).  For a period of time after each meal, the caregiver can play with the "baby."  Otherwise, the "baby" must wait where the caregiver has placed him and in about the same position.  In addition, the caregiver must devote some time each day to a significant other person through letter writing or phone conversation.  This time must not be interrupted by the "baby's" needs. The "baby" needs to understand that the caregiver's relationship to something or someone else is often more important than him.  If the "baby" gets uncomfortable, he can tap his pencil and hope that the caregiver will be able to figure out the problem.  If the "baby" gets hungry, he can tap the pencil.

Hunger pain, no matter how severe, an thirst are considered normal.  In order to help the "baby" understand that he is not the center of the universe, any food or drink must be postponed until the next scheduled meal.

5.   For at least 3/4 hour twice a day, the "baby" must be put in his room with the door shut.  This "roomtime" will offer a structured learning center which will develop mental focusing skills, create a sustained attention span, give the "baby" the opportunity to entertain himself (no TV or books allowed), and create orderliness.

5.  The "baby" should be put to bed in a separate room from the caregiver shortly after the last drink of water.  The "baby" should tap the pencil if he has any nighttime needs, but he may not be fed or taken out of bed. Loneliness at night is a normal part of the experience  Under no circumstances may baby be brought to bed with you, as this may be considered "passively abusive emotionally."  You can use a baby monitor to hear the tapping, but if you can't sleep through the tapping, just turn off the monitor.  After all, you need your sleep so that you will have plenty of energy for the next day's activities.  It would be wise to take the "baby" to the bathroom before bed so there won't be any accidents.

7.  Do not be tempted to end the experiment before the three days are up.This will be considered a failure and may have long lasting implications.  If you find the process contrary to your instincts, try to control yourself. Above all, do not let anyone outside the system, baby expert or not, try to talk you out of continuing.  After all, you are only doing what is "right" and best for you and your "baby."

8.  If the "baby" should have any profound personal or spiritual insights
during the time of the experiment, he should be sure to remember them.  He can write them down at the end of the three days.  (That is, if there is any pencil left.)

One last thought.  Presumably, the two of you discussed the experiment before you started so that the "baby" understood what was going to happen. Your newborn will not have the luxury of understanding the process. 

Good luck!

Mary Ann Griffin, RN, CNM
Jan Barger, RN, MA, IBCLC


What Doctors Don't Tell You, December 1998, Vol 9, No. 9.


Q. My 6-year-old son has a foreskin which does not retract. Our doctor has allowed us to just wait and see what happens, but now that he isover 5, wants to refer him for surgery for a medical circumcision. We know that circumcision is a routine operation in many parts of the world, but wonder if there are any possible side effects.  If we choose not to have him circumcised, are there any other ways to sort out his problem, which, incidentally isn't causing any pain or problem at the moment?-G B, Birmingham.

A. Although circumcision isn't routinely performed in Britain any
longer, 21,000 boys under 15 are circumcised every year, supposedly for a non-retractile foreskin, or prepuce, a condition which goes by the technical name of "phimosis". This translates into an overall circumcision rate, for medical and religious reasons, of 6% of British boys by the age of 15.

Although many doctors look upon the foreskin as a dispensable covering, that definition represents a gross over-simplification of its function or development. At birth, the foreskin is still developing and so solidly adheres to the shaft of the penis and is naturally intractible.
In one study, only 4% of newborns have a fully retractable foreskin, while in 42% not even the tip of the glans of the penis could be uncovered (BMJ, 1949; 2: 1433-7). In this same study only half the children could retract the foreskin at a year while at three, 10% still could not.

In a later study of older boys in Denmark (where circumcision is rarely performed), a non-retractible foreskin was present in 6% of 6 to 7 year olds, 3% of 12 to 13 year olds and 1% of 14 to 17 year olds (Arch Dis Child, 1968; 43: 200-3). Yet another study estimates that it is only 1% of 17 year olds who have a pathological problem.

What this means is that non-retractibility is a normal part of the
physiology of growing boys, except for this 1%-which means that
doctors in Britain are circumcising 5% too many boys [sic].
Indeed, a study of phimosis found that the majority of referrals for
circumcision had non-retractible foreskins as a consequence of
development, not true pathological phimosis. They also found no cases of true phimosis in boys under 5. There were also higher incidence of circumcision in some parts of England than others.  Most circumcisions were performed on boys under 5, two-thirds of which, the authors concluded, were clearly unnecessary (Ann Royal Colt Surg Engl 1989, 71:275-7).

It is overwhelmingly likely that your boy doesn't have true phimosis,
but simply a non-retractable foreskin with adhesions at the moment which are likely to break down spontaneously as he gets older.  If it isn't bothering him, there is no harm in watchful waiting.

Two big causes of true phimosis at a young age are inflammation, usually after the child's penis has had prolonged exposure to urine-soaked nappies (diapers); or the well intentioned but ultimately damaging attempts by doctors or nurses to pull back the foreskin on babies or toddlers. This can lead to paraphimosis, where the foreskin is stuck in a retracted position, or fibrosis, tearing and scarring (Ann R Coil Surg EngI, 1994; 76: 257-8).

If your boy is found to have true phimosis, there are ways of treating the problem conservatively.  Numerous studies have shown that topical steroids have worked effectively (Aust NZ J Surgery 1994; 64: 327-8; Pediat Surg Int 1993; 8: 329-32). Although steroids are never a particularly welcome choice, particularly in children, short-term use may be a preferable option to irrevocable, mutilating surgery. The usual regime is daily external applications over the length of the foreskin with betamethasone 0.05% cream for 4 to 6 weeks. According to one study patients with true phimosis can be treated successfully with topical steroids in 65% to 95% of cases (Pediatrics, 1998; 102: 43). Nevertheless, in some patients, once the drug is stopped, the problem recurs.

A new operation, entitled prepuce-plasty much favoured in Europe, is a more conservative alternative to circumcision. In this surgery, the narrowed opening of the foreskin is cut and then repaired across, allowing a larger opening. In one of the first long-term studies of the procedure, 55 patients underwent this surgery aged between 1 and 14, and were reviewed five to eight years later; 50 patients were satisfied with the results, although one complained about his foreskin looking "dog-eared".  Of the remaining five, 4 patients required subsequent circumcision one to five years after the initial operation, and in one patient the slit had been far too wide (Ann Royal Coil Surg Engl, 1994; 76: 257-8).

This operation is not appropriate for many adults when the foreskin is scarred or thickened, since the narrowing usually recurs after the

The Chinese have also developed a non-surgical treatment with a balloon catheter, designed for paediatric use.  In this treatment, after local anaesthesia is applied, the balloon is gradually inflated until the foreskin orifice is about 3 to 5 mm larger than the maximum diameter of the penis shaft. The balloon is kept inflated for 20 to 30 seconds, and the entire procedure repeated two to three times. This is only possible if there no adhesions, which are difficult to detach (Chinese Medical J, 1991; 104: 491-3).

(Bear in mind that, as with virtually every study published in Chinese journals, this study showed an unabashedly positive result, which means that it may be suspect.)

If you elect watchful waiting as an approach, and your boy reaches young adulthood but the foreskin still doesn't retract, Michel Beauge, a French practitioner of preventive medicine, has a novel solution. He discovered that many of his patients aged 18 through 22 with phimosis shared common characteristics. Either they never masturbated or they did so in a method that differed markedly from the usual-which is to mimic the dynamics of sexual intercourse, and so naturally push the foreskin back toward the base of the glans.

In such instances, he recommends that his patients practise conventional masturbation. After at most three weeks, he finds that the opening of the foreskin widens and the problem is corrected, unless there is some serious pathological condition.

If you do decide to go ahead with this operation, you should be aware that however "routine" circumcision is, it is not risk free. According to one review, complications can include removal of inadequate skin, requiring a repeat operation (which occurs in 9.5% of cases) (B 3 Surg, 1993; 80: 1231-6). This may result in scarring, which ends up causing true phimosis in 2% of cases (Br J Surg, 1981; 68: 593-5). Laceration of the penis, haemorrhage, sepsis, removal of too much skin, partial or total amputation of the penis and formation of obstructions to the urethra are not unknown (B J Surg, 1993; 80:1231-6).

Excessive bleeding is the commonest complication-occurring up to nearly one-third of cases. When gentle pressure is insufficient to control local haemorrhage, the usual treatment is  electrosurgical diathermy to coagulate the blood. However, if it is employed overzealously, it may cause coagulation in many more blood vessels than intended. In four reported cases, this caused loss of the penis.  Unbelievably the four children were "managed" as the report says, by "gender reassignment"-that is, the doctors and parents felt that growing up without a penis would be so traumatic that they turned them, surgically and hormonally, into girls (1 Urology, 1989; 142: 799-801). Infection is also known to occur in 10% of cases, and ulceration of the urethra in 8 to 20% of boys, two to three weeks after the operation, which can lead to permanent narrowing.

Besides the physical issues, there are also psychological ones,
particularly in older boys. One study of 12 boys undergoing circumcision in Turkey between ages 4 and 7 found that their intelligence quotients fell afterward.  The study concluded that circumcision was perceived by the child as an "aggressive" attack upon his body, which "damaged, mutilated and in some cases totally destroyed him. The feeling that 'I am now castrated' seems to prevail in the psychic world of the child" Br J Med Psychol, 1965; 38; 321-31).

Finally, removing a foreskin may permanently interfere with your son's later sex life. One review convincingly argued that the foreskin is not simply a flap of skin but a double layer of sensitive skin which covers the penile glans. The inner layer, a mucous membrane, has many specialized and highly sensitive nerves and blood vessels.  Cutting this off removes an "important component of the overall sensory mechanism of the human penis" (Br J Urology; 1996; 77: 291-5).

Much is written about the ritual mutilation of girls and women.  Perhaps it is time that more were written about the dangerous and the medically unnecessary' routine practice of circumcising infant and young boys, barbarically still performed, in the case of newborns, without pain relief.  One study even demonstrates that male infants who have been circumcised exhibited a greater pain response than those who haven't been circumcised, thus putting paid to the ludicrous argument in medicine that newborns getting circumcised don't feel a thing (Lancet 1997; 349; 599-603).

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What Doctors Don't Tell You
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